I Recall...

I Recall

You made a mistake in thinking
I wouldn’t remember too much
You should have left those times alone
Because I remember your touch

No, not the times that you held me
Nor the times you said ‘I love you’
Those were just childish fantasies
And never meant to be the truth

I remember the back-handings
How they threw me against the wall
Funny how it isn’t the pain
But the rejections that I recall

I remember the many nights
And how I cried myself to sleep
Not really understanding why
You never had the time for me

I knew that you didn’t love me
I just didn’t understand why
I simply was not good enough
No matter what it was I tried

I’ve tried to remember good times
But I can’t seem to think of one
I guess they’re not there to recall
If they’re there, they’ve been over run

I know that as I grew older
I didn’t think about you as much
I came to terms with my feelings
And stopped wondering why and such

It's a wonder that I survived
Never knowing a father's love
It's too late now to make amends
'cause I cannot forget what was

It's not that I don't forgive you
'cause I have, deep down in my heart
It's just that I don't have a need
For trying to make a new start

Susan Palmer-Davis

Copyright ©2001
Revised ©2005
All Rights Reserved

Wow....poweful imagery and a total hit to the emotions. You do have a way!

Apparently I also don't see so good anymore...a number of these have been duplicated. God, I hate it when I mess things up...lol

Thanks...it took a couple of rewrites to get said what I wanted to say. I sometimes feel that if a person could just learn the truth earlier, it would help if no other way than to let the healing start sooner. My youngest grand baby has a look about her that causes me to see myself as a baby (from pics of course) and I tell you it is hard to have her here laughing, playing, loving...without wondering how could he not have been as captivated as I am with her. She doesn't actually look like me but there is her smile, the slant of her eyes, and the deapth the concentration, the flirtiness (all that I see in my pictures). None of the other kids (out of 10) have the same way about them. When I come out of my room in the morning she is the first one to hear me and her response is to run for me yelling Nana (Nawnaw). Confusing but just life, I guess.